This is the first Valentine’s Day that I have felt genuinely happy with my relationship status. Not much has changed since the last Valentine’s Day or the 20 others that I have spent while being single. Yet, a lot has changed.
This Valentine’s Day I’m single, utterly unattached, and not pining. All the final nails have been hammered in many crushes’ coffins. No hopeless crushes will leave me expecting a “sign” up until 11:59 pm on February 14th. Closure is not a feeling that you can experience after a big, dramatic display. An ex will not approach you and apologize for all that has happened then swiftly disappear from your life. (Though we all may wish this is the case). You will not get over someone while you’re underneath someone else, as the saying goes. That’s not how you truly get over someone. Closure is something only you can promise yourself. You obtain closure as soon as you start forgiving yourself.
Forgive yourself for trying to be open to love. Forgive yourself for falling too hard. Forgive yourself for giving someone too many chances. Forgive yourself for taking a chance too late. Forgive yourself for overlooking someone who could have truly loved you.
I’m going to make mistakes with love and I should not dwell on them. Overthinking the situation is not going to change anything. All that needs to be done is just move on and start over again. And I know it’s tiring. Swiping left, composing the perfect text message, coffee dates, drinks at bars, strangers in clubs, cheesy pick-up lines, blind dates from friends, and fuck boys are all draining. Sometimes I just want to settle to avoid it all like the plague.
Sometimes I feel the stress is all not worth it. The time and energy funneled into one person is just tedious when you look back at it. But what better way to invest your time? You are investing in people, in a connection, in an experience, and in a lesson. It’s nothing regrettable. It’s something that happened that may seem dramatic right now, but in five years you will hardly remember it.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are less than because you haven’t found “the one”. You shouldn’t have to feel bad for taking time to yourself. You are working towards self-improvement and growth. Self-love is something you can’t gain from a relationship. You can only love yourself if it comes from within.
If a relationship doesn’t work out or it’s embarrassing, who cares? Everyone has an embarrassing ex story. I’m sure everyone has an ex flame that they still have to work with or see in class every other day. Brush off the embarrassment, move on, and slay. Stay open to love and something real will come along. But don’t lay dormant waiting for Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet. There is in no rule saying you can’t approach him first and go get what you want. I’m telling you that no matter how the next one turns out, your string of disappointments won’t feel so dramatic in time.