My relationship with… love

I stopped talking to a guy because when I answered that cheese was my favorite food, he said cheese is not a food, it’s more of a thing you put on food. Oh no. If anyone knows me, they know I love my cheese. He just messed with cheese, so he is not about to mess with me. But in all seriousness, this very specific hang up that may make me look picky was a precursor to much larger issues. The feeling was off and he did this thing where he had to be right all the time.

I am not in love. And I never have been. That’s OK. It’s never been right with anyone I have met. I’m a person who does things based on feeling. I don’t suggest this to most people. Be logical. I have a strong gut instinct when it comes to people. If I am not feeling it, it’s better just to give it up right away. No one’s time is wasted. I have wasted people’s time before that I was just not that into, and it’s a hard feeling to live with.

I’ve seen what people call “love” turn them into pathetic, withering people. I’ve seen friends shift and mold to fit under the thumb of their significant other. Their voice changes in register, their hobbies begin to reflect the significant others, and they change until they are no longer controversial to their significant other and no longer themselves. Let’s stop labeling that something it isn’t. That’s not love. If I wanted what they have, that would be easy to find. I would settle for anyone. Obsession and lust is not equivalent to what I want. Sometimes just lust is nice, but it’s not what I ultimately want.

Love is compromise, but it’s also not complete personal sacrifice until you don’t recognize yourself without the other person. I’m not one to be in that kind of “love”.

Many guys my age want girls that follow them around and let them get away with anything. Girls are afraid to speak up because they don’t want to lose the one they love. I’ve seen it too often and it makes me sad. Women should live for themselves, not their men. Following around a boy and kissing his ass is not my style. I will call you out on your shit if you are being shitty. Guys like when you tease them with mean flirting, but as soon as it gets further, they expect you to kiss their feet. Not me. With me, you get what you deserve. I’m nice when you are nice. My advice to guys that want a submissive girl to praise them for all they do and follow them around everywhere they go, invest in a dog because you don’t want a human partner.

I’m going to be myself. I will attract someone who likes me for the genuine me. I have come to the realization: all those magazines are wrong. The magazines that tell you “don’t do this because a boy won’t like you. Don’t wear this if you want to keep your man.” I don’t care if the male population abides by these rules. There has to be a few out there who think “women can dress however they want to because it’s their bodies.” I started to do what I do when I’m alone in public, in front of *gasp* boys. I eat how eat. And if I drop pizza on myself, that’s OK. I’m a woman> I’m a human>humans make mistakes.

I’m going to dress in head to toe black and wear my red lipstick (that men apparently abhor) and I don’t care if a man thinks that’s too intense. I’m going to put my career first and be successful and if a man is threatened by that, he really just feels insecure. I don’t need that type of guy. My life’s worth is not whether or not I can attract a guy, contrary to popular belief. I’m going to live my life and if a guy thinks I’m awesome, then he’s awesome. I have attracted the right kind of guy by being myself. It’s less messy this way because then I won’t be accused of “false advertising.” And if I’m single for a while or forever, that’s OK. I’d rather live my life the right way than date a man who doesn’t respect me. This “drastic” way of thinking has assuaged my fear of interacting with men. If I just am myself I won’t have to worry if he believes my charade. I won’t have to worry if I sound stupid or if I’m being inappropriate. I’m going to make crude jokes at a loud volume while eating pizza that fell down my cleavage, because I’m fucking fabulous and if a man doesn’t appreciate that, he is no man I want to date. Bye.

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2 thoughts on “My relationship with… love

  1. Oh boy, the cultural difference. Where I’m from is full of guys desperate for love, for a little female attention and would bend over backwards for them.

    To me though, love is just two people with superior genes having sex and adding misery to the world (=having children). The whole pursuit is pointless. I’d stick to friendships, where my personality is dominating and not my sexual attractiveness.

    Liked by 1 person

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